


What If

by thundercaya



Series: The Workplace Warzone [16]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Humor, M/M, but this time also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-07-22 00:46:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7411855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercaya/pseuds/thundercaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Madison is back from sick leave, but when he puts his foot in his mouth he wishes he weren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What If

Madison felt like a different person. His body and mind were re-energized, his respiratory system was working at full capacity, and his mood was elevated to a point he always forgot was possible as soon as it passed. He actually would have been able to order his coffee this morning without reading the prepared statement on his phone, but he skipped the coffee entirely because he didn't _need_ it to function today. He caught sight of Hamilton, and when they locked eyes, he had a flash memory of the morning he'd been introduced to Hercules Mulligan and had forgotten the existence of the world "tailor." Only this time, the diabolical grin was on Madison's own face. Hamilton looked like a man who knew that death was imminent, but wasn't about to go down without a fight.

"Mr. Madison," Hamilton greeted cautiously.

"Hamilton, I'm glad I ran into you," Madison said, "though I'm certain no one has ever said that to you before. I've been out for a few days, as I'm sure you know, and I was wondering if you could bring me up to speed on any proposals you may have made in my absence. I would ask someone else-- _anyone_ else, to avoid speaking with you--but the problem is that no one understands a word of your rambling, and that's if they don't tune you out entirely. So I figure, why not get it straight from the horse's mouth? That way if there's even a lick of sense in what you say, I can glean it for myself."

"I see you're running at one hundred percent today," Hamilton said. "I hope it's not too much of a shock to your system, considering you usually run at around forty."

"Sixty percent at least, always, Hamilton," Madison said. "If you want to exaggerate, try fifty. There's hyperbole, then there's just being ridiculous."

"Excessive hyperbole is _your_ flaw," Hamilton retorted, "Mr. Everything is Killing Me Always."

"That's rich coming from a guy who literally tried to kill me."

Hamilton cringed. "Right, that. No. Look, I already told you I didn't know you were allergic. Eliza knew because she cooked for you before, but she never told me."

Madison faltered. "Wait, so your wife was the one who tried to kill me?"

"No, no, that was entirely my misunderstanding," Hamilton assured. "She intended the blondies for Jefferson _only_ , but as I view you two as a package deal of sorts, I automatically added 'and Mr. Madison,' to the end of her statement. In fact, when I told her I had offered them to you, she asked why I would ever give anything to someone who had betrayed me."

"If she's going to be vindictive on your behalf, she should stop pretending to smile at me when we run into each other in town."

"She's just being polite. You know, like people are supposed to? Don't you smile back?"

"I can barely smile at people I _do_ want to see," Madison countered. "I guess political spouses have to be good at faking it, seeing as they have to hide that they're self-centered, attention-seeking social climbers. I don't know that they actually _like_ anyone they're pretending to be friendly with, right down to the person they're married to."

"In the first place, _I'm_ the social climber in my marriage," Hamilton said. "In the second...."--He averted his eyes--"would you like to make any amendments to that statement? Or just rescind it entirely?"

"Why would I do that?"

"I just figured it would mean more to Secretary Jefferson if you took it back before you knew he was standing right behind you."

Madison felt a chill run up his spine even before he turned around and saw that Jefferson was indeed standing behind him. So that was why Hamilton had looked away--to avoid giving the man away with his gaze. Jefferson had the look of someone who was hurt, but wasn't sure if that was a valid response. 

Martha. Shit. His wide blast at Hamilton's wife had hit Martha. Madison found himself wishing he had taken just one more day off.

"There's... nothing to take back," Jefferson said. Madison wasn't sure what was more unnatural--the tone of Jefferson's voice or the attempt at a smile on his face when he said it. If he was trying to act like he wasn't upset, he wasn't doing a very good job of it. The easy thing to do would be to let Jefferson have his charade for now and leave the fallout to Future Madison.  Fortunately--or unfortunately depending on if he viewed it from the perspective of now or later--Present Madison knew that he was much better equipped to handle this than Future Madison would ever be.

"Uh, you know what?" Madison said. "We should talk about this."

"Please do," Hamilton said, right over Madison's shoulder. Madison glanced at him and saw that the man had pulled out a pen and a notepad and was poised to write. Madison put a hand right on Hamilton's face and shoved him away.

"In private?" Madison amended.

Jefferson nodded. "My office."

***

Once in the office, Jefferson leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. Madison didn't move away from the door, not sure if he was allowed to get any closer to Jefferson.

"I wasn't thinking of Martha when I said that."

"I didn't think you were," Jefferson said. "But not because you think she's an exception. Just because you _don't_ think about her. I think you try not to. Do you hate her?"

"Do I--what?" To be sure, Jefferson's late wife wasn't a topic Madison favored, but that was because he knew he lacked the emotional finesse to directly comfort a person who was experiencing grief. "I don't-- Why would I--what?"

Jefferson took a deep breath. "Because you know for a fact that if she were alive I'd still be with her and not with you."

Relief probably wasn't the appropriate emotional response to hearing those words, but Madison felt it nonetheless. He hadn't hurt Jefferson's feelings; he'd merely opened the door to a topic Jefferson must have been sitting on for a long time. And if this conversation was going to happen, better today when Madison _was_ running at one hundred percent.

"Thomas, that's not... even remotely an issue for me.  If she were alive, I wouldn't have approached you in that manner in the first place. It... doesn't bother me. Does it bother you?"

Jefferson averted his gaze. "I don't know. I mean--yes, it does. But I don't know if it should."

"Whether or not it _should_ bother you is less important than that fact that it does," Madison said. "And I know all about dwelling on what-ifs. Far be it from me to tell you to discard a nagging thought when I've never been able to discard any of mine. But... can I try to put you at ease?"

Jefferson hesitated, still not looking at him, before nodding and saying; "shoot."

Madison took a moment to collect his thoughts. "Martha was the love of your life. Your... soul mate, if you believe in that sort of thing. I don't, but I think you do, and yours is the relevant opinion here. Her absence... necessarily... leaves an empty space, and while empty spaces never get filled, I am... so glad that you have... allowed me to occupy an adjacent space in your heart and... in your life. My sincere hope is that... while I can't _do_ anything about that empty space, I can occupy my own space adequately enough that the empty one isn't...all-consuming."

Jefferson met his eyes. "You do."

Madison nodded. "That's good to know. Now, Martha was... great for you. Perfect for you. Without her, you might not have become the person I admire and hold fondness for and... love as much as I do, so far from... resenting her I am absolutely grateful for what she has given me, and if she were here... she still would have given me the greatest friend I could ever ask for. There is no what-if... in which you are not the most important person in my life."

Any response that Jefferson might have been forming was interrupted by a choked sob through the door. Madison stiffened, turned around, and opened it to find both Jefferson's intern and Hamilton, alarmed expressions on their tear-streaked faces. The sob had come from the intern, but Hamilton looked like she had just barely beaten him to it.

They both started talking at the same time, wiping tears all the while. The intern's priority was to explain her eavesdropping. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I was trying to stop him without making a fuss and interrupting you." Probably true at first, but Hamilton had no doubt used his powers of persuasion to talk her into listening with him.

Hamilton's priority was not to apologize, but to justify his tears. "I am just so disappointed that this conversation did not end in the dissolution of the alliance between my adversaries that has created this toxic workplace environment that I'm forced to navigate on a daily basis."

Madison left them there prattling in the open doorway and walked over to Jefferson's desk. He picked up a letter opener and handed it to Jefferson. "Thomas, I assume you know what to do with this?"

Jefferson looked at it. "For him, right?"

"Or me. But I'll leave it up to you."

Jefferson locked eyes with Hamilton and said; "Katarina, please turn around. I need you to have deniability."

Hamilton quickly made a lip-zipping motion, turned an imaginary key and threw it away before skittering off. Katarina apologized once more before shutting the door.

Madison shook his head. "Even if he intends not to tell anyone, he's going to tell everyone."

"If he does that, we can start being disgustingly cute all the time and make him regret it," Jefferson offered.

"Shit. That's the only way to come out on top of this, isn't it?"

"Seems that way," Jefferson said, patting his shoulder sympathetically.

Madison ran a hand down his face.  "I need coffee."

"I'll have Katarina fix you one before I fire her."

**Author's Note:**

> It was bugging me that I hadn't mentioned Martha in any of my fics, so y'all get this.


End file.
